Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in living creates love.
__ Lao-Tzu
Human brain is the most important organ in the body. It is capable of doing extraordinary things from learning languages to making spaceships. Since the inception, one deeply embodied thing in our mind is emotions.
Emotions are unavoidable. Emotions are complex and sometime, unexplainable. There is indisputable fact that truly successful/happy people master their emotions very well. In this article, we will explore different aspects of emotions. 1) Avoiding Emotions Does Not Solve Problems We all have been in situations when we intentionally avoid the direct emotions. It happens all the time. Couples avoid anger/hatred emotions toward each other to the point of divorce. Students avoid anxious emotions until they arrive at their first internship interview and fail. Remember, avoiding emotions does not solve problems, if not making everything worse. It is a better to face your emotions, observe them, and even appreciate them. 2) Self Emotions are as Important as Other's Most of us care about what other people think, and in terms, we care about other's emotions. From time to time, we put other's emotions above ours. This is not a healthy habit as you suppress the root cause of conflict. For example, you have plan eating dinner with your love partner on Sunday night so you can watch your favorite football game on Saturday night. However, you partner wants to reschedule the dinner to Saturday because he/she wants to hang out with his/her friends on Sunday night. You put your partner's feeling first, and reluctantly, reschedule the dinner date. You end up booking another not-so-ideal restaurant, miss your favorite game, and have no enthusiasm going on the date. The lesson is to value your emotions as equally as other's. Hence, when problems arise, everyone can find the best solution for all. 3) Master Your Emotions Imagine you are scuba diving on a nice beach and suddenly, you see a shark. Your first response is to run away. Now, assume you're a trained marine biologist, and you identify the fish as a reef shark, which rarely attack humans. Suddenly, you take your time enjoying the creatures presence. Emotions share the same logic. If you take your time to understand your inner feelings, you can master them. Remember, if you cannot master your own feelings/emotions, you cannot be empathetic to others. 4) Share Your Emotions without Judgement The last step to become emotionally healthy is to share your feelings with others. Sharing emotions allow you to relieve your mind, invite others to share theirs, and build mutual trust. The key is to express yourself clearly without any judgement or blame. For example, this is a common statement :"I feel sad because you did not call me, it's your fault". Now instead, it sounds a lot better if you say "I feel sad when you did not call me". Remember, you can still clearly express your emotions without being emotional. Conclusion Emotions play a big part of human's life. It enriches our journey and make life more colorful. It's your turn to take make the best use of emotions and master them, so emotions can benefit both you and your loved ones. Happy Living, The Kid
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From the ancient time, humans have been trying to practice "mind control" with the hope of controlling/manipulating one's mind.
In modern psychology, the concept is defined as priming. Priming is the process of setting up an internal/external environment, either tangible and/or intangible, that shapes your mind thinking to the desired direction/outcome. In this article, to help you understand and to consider priming, we will explore the its basics and applications. 1) Definition As previously define, priming is setting up the surrounding environment, either by intention or not, to affect your way of thinking. Let's show an example of an accidental set up; a lot of studies have confirmed if you give someone a warm cut of coffee the first time you meet he/she, that person likely will consider you as friendly, nice, and "warm". On the contrary, if researchers replace the cup with cold drink, the person will consider you as stiff and "cold". In short priming is using first stimulus to affect the second one. 2) Practice Priming can be used everyday at anytime, although it is recommended that we should prime in the morning for better results because the morning largely determines your whole day. Priming can be broke into two parts: internal and external. For internal priming, it is similar to meditation. You sit down, control breathing, visualize the desired outcome(s), and embed the images deep in your mind. Internal priming is even more powerful when it's combined with external priming. External priming is the art of setting up the surrounding environment to achieve desired outcome(s). Let's link everything together. Let's say your goal is to start exercising. For internal priming, you start internalizing the vivid pictures of yourself working out, and getting fit as a reward. For external priming, you would sign up for a gym, join a workout group, get rid of junk food in your house, etc. 3) Conclusion As you see, priming is easy, convenient, and cheap. The only hurtle is that priming requires deep practice. If you can master both internal and external priming, you can be sure that you can accomplish almost anything you've set your mind to. Happy Living, The Kid Why is it so hard to keep up with our new year resolution? Why is it extremely difficult for most people to start doing beneficial things such as exercising, diet, or simply for writing essays, in case of students?
Some may argue it is because of physical/tangible obstacles that prevent people from doing what they set their mind to. Many studies have confirmed, in most cases, it is the psychological states that prevent us from doing these beneficial things. From fear to procrastination, you can name countless tendencies. The great news is there is a way to trick our ancient brain and get started on whatever journey we pursue. It is called the beginner mindset. The beginner mindset means you put yourself in a state where you acts like a novice in any subjects. This allows you to maintain your curiosity, sustained interest, and, more importantly, the will to start out small. 1) Curiosity. Most things in life spawn from curiosity, from making fire to producing the first automobile. Curiosity will help you come closer to your interested subjects/topics. Without a beginner mind, you will not be able to build enough curiosity to do the intended things. 2) Sustained Interest. Once you've committed to a path, it is quite easy to lose interest overtime. Maybe, you've mastered the subject to certain level and feel like there is nothing left to learn, which in most cases, the answer is likely no. Or perhaps, the subject is too difficult to learn/execute, which in turn, reduces your level of interest. Having a mindset of a beginner will allow you to sustain your interest for the long run. Look at babies! Most fail many times before being able to walk. 3) Start Out Small. Most of us with great determination, at least in the beginning, will try to go all in, big time. Classic examples are casinos and gyms. Based on studied statistics and math, going all in in casinos increase your chance of total loss. Gyms are more on the social aspect when people sign up for gyms in January, work out 5-7 days per week for a few weeks; then quit for the rest of year. A beginner mindset allows you to start small enough, using curiosity to spark interest, such as a simple Google search or reading a book for the intended topic. Personal Example. For the past 7 years, each year, I've always tried to do a new form of exercise, from weight training to cardio focused. I made classic mistakes of going all in, all out; and in terms, I lasted around a few weeks before giving up. Now so far this year for the past 5 months, I do small, but consistent, workout. I set up a rule that each time after hitting the bathroom, I would do 10 pushups. Guess what, it works like a miracle, and I so both visible and physiological benefits. You now are empowered to make a difference, both in your life and others, using the beginner mindset. Like Steven Jobs said: "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish". Happy Living, The Kid What is the best thing to do when you're upset? What is the most simple mental exercise to enhance your life quality consistently and effectively? The answer lies in nowhere other than gratitude.
Gratitude has been taught since the beginning of humankind. It is considered one of the most important virtuous pillars by many religious standards. Why Gratitude? Most of the time, we take things for granted such as food, shelter, or even the air we're breathing in (as a person having issues with breathing, I've been appreciating our Mother Earth's air system since I was a kid). Practicing gratitude allows you to take a step back, especially while being upset, reassess the big picture, and start to notice these little things and appreciate them. Practicing gratitude will take your mind to a higher/second level of thinking and seeing; hence, you will be able to enjoy life as its finest details. How to Practice? There are many versions and ways to practice gratitude. The idea is to do it, preferably, in visible communication forms. For example, a very popular and fun way to practice is to have a gratitude jar. Each day, you will write down at least one thing you're grateful about, and deposit to the jar. With time, you will eventually build up a sizable "deposit". Once a while, or especially during crisis time, you open the jar and reread your input. It will help you to calm down, and think again about the whole situation (possibly figure out a solution). Other versions can be a gratitude journal or daily gratitude talks with your partners/loved ones. The more tangible and consistent way you practice gratitude, the more positive effects you will get from this mental exercise. Congratulations! Now, you've discovered a powerful tool that many people do not know, or simply neglect. You're empowered to bring positivity to yourself and people around you everyday. Happy Living, The Kid Once a while, I hear people argue about if money can "buy" happiness. Some says money means everything; it can buy, rent, or trade happiness. Some says money is a useless object, which has nothing to do with happiness. Which side is right? It puzzled me, annoyed me, and disturbed me. Below, I will break down facts about the relationship between happiness and money:
1) Having zero money will likely result in unhappiness. This case exclude monks, priests or similar religious professions. It is very rare to see a bankrupted person be happy. Satisfying basic needs such as food and shelter is critical to happiness. People think about survival first before desires. 2) Having too much money may result in less happiness. This case applies to those who make more than $75,000 per year. According to Malcom Gladwell (a prominent book writer and researcher), once one makes $75,000 a year, his/her happiness will not increase as fast as before. Jack Ma, founder of the E-commerce giant Alibaba, said he was more happy making few dollars a day than having billions. Having too much money brings tremendous responsibility and mind occupation, which prevents one from seeking happiness. 3) Happiness is determined by one's perception. Like many subjects, happiness depends on psychology. For me, having enough money to invest, buy books, save, and travel a bit. Others (or should I say many others) enjoy buying things, eating fancy food, etc. Hence, the benchmark of $75,000 may or may not be true toward your perception. Sum up, happiness is affected by psychology, and psychology is affected to money. Too much or too little money both likely will reduce your level of happiness. The next time you hear some one argue about happiness and money, keep in mind that they could see happiness as many different things. Happy Living, The Kid Seeking happiness has been a quest since ancient time. Humans always try to find ways/methods to be more happy, be more satisfied with life. There are endless debates about how to achieve happiness, and this post will not be one of them. Instead, I argue that before seeking happiness or to increase chance finding happiness, we should avoid unhappiness. Below are certain things I avoid most of the time:
1) Employment. I'm talking about 9-5 (wait, actually 7 to 7 taking into account commuting). As of I am writing right now, I am working for Wells Fargo full time. Seeing new customers everyday is very interesting. My colleagues are decent people. Besides these aspects, I hate other employment's concept: the cubicle, the commute, the limited lunch (I'm a slow eater), the meetings, the metrics, the performance review, etc. I know for sure I will not be happy if I keep doing this for the next 30-40 years. 2) Toxic Relationships. I had the very best friend who I loved to play with since I was three. However, money is an annoying subject every time I hang out with him. He refused to pay his fair share since he argued I invited him (which I did most of the time) and I was "richer" than him (I was spoiled by my parents more than him). I knew if I did not "break up" with him, I would continue to waste more time and money on a meaningless relationship. To avoid unhappiness, I ended my relationship with him a few years ago. 3) Terrible Businesses. I've been fortunate enough to be invited to found some start-ups. Some of them, I love the concept but dislike the partners and vice versa; hence, to avoid unhappiness, I denied most of the offers. Similarly, if a food at a restaurant is very good, but the service or the environment is horrible (and vice versa), I would avoid eating there. Through this post, I hope to offer you a new way to look at happiness. It might be true that avoiding unhappiness will ultimately lead to happiness. Happy Living, The Kid Have you ever wondered why time flies so fast? 10, 20, or 30 years pass by in the lightening speed. Time cannot be stored, bought, traded, or goes backward. So what should we do with time? It is so darn precious.
To tell you a sad story. I did very poorly in high school and was not sure what my life would become without going to college. I saw my sister made okay money as an accountant; so I said "Sure! Let's go college". I studied at VCU for three years and loved the school. Suddenly, my girlfriend told me "Let's move to the West Coast" and another "sure" came out from me. I accidentally joined a consulting club and people asked me to study and become a consultant. "Sure! A consultant will be!". After 6 years of study and wasting $100,000+, I realized I hated Excel, disliked accounting, and found consulting to be quite boring. By saying "okay, fine!" THREE TIMES (do I have to repeat this number?), I've lost 10% of my lifetime (assuming I live until 60) and 90% of my money. Most famous people like Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, or Bill Gates, they all know they cannot afford to lose time. They only do things when they can confidently say "HELL! Yes!". By assuring hell-yes model in your daily life, you can easily prioritize important tasks. Do you remember a time you did something you were really not into it, and then beat your head later? This method makes sure you won't regret ever again. It does not matter if you friends ask you to lend some money or to go to a restaurant you dislikes. The choice is still yours. Choose yourself! Happy Living, The Kid Back in college, I wanted to become some certain images of a successful person; high salary, educated, and live in some sort of mental safari. Now I am 26, graduated, and looking to the mirror of myself 6 years ago, I think I have found a simple method we can all use to navigate our life direction:
1) Define success. This is the first baby step for a person to start his/her journey. Yours could be 6-figure salary, ivy league education, top-industry employment, a bigger house, or simply a faster car. Whatever your personal dream is, put it down into a piece of paper and remember to affix it where you can see everyday. The reason is to automatically remind yourself that you have a "finish line". It is fairly common humans tend to create a increased/extended goal (aka greed) once we have archived the old one. 2) Seek fulfillment. Once you hit your targeted dream, it is time to pause and reflect what are all your dreams about. If it is only about you or if you are only obsessed with yourself, you will be likely to feel unsatisfied. Fulfillment happens when you have some higher purposes; when you do something for someone else, such as your family. For me, it is to spend more time with my little nephews; teach them playing chess, painting, or taking them to a playground. Bonus: If you hit a point where you tell yourself or someone else: "but I make good/so much money", This is warning sign that we're probably not on the right track or, at least, that we shouldn't stay there for long. In quantum physics, time can stretch, squeeze, bend, but it cannot run backwards. That is why we should always choose time over money, since we can always make more money. The best investment of our limited time on Earth is to spend with people we love. If you earn $68K per year, then globally speaking, you are the 1%. Money can be regenerated, but time and youth cannot. Happy Living, The Kid I used to ask myself every night about the surroundings. If I attended Harvard, I would be happier? If I am married to a prettier woman, would it make me more proud? Or how about getting into a right career or job where my boss loves me more than his/her pets. I blamed my parents for not supporting me enough. I blamed my partners for failed business. I blamed myself for spending money on non-sense matters. I was pissed all the times, could not sleep well, and ate junk food. After 2 years of struggling, I started following people I've admired for a long time like Tony Robbins, James Altucher, Tim Ferriss, and many more. I started reading books about varied topics like a 5 year-old child. Then I realized my life is not as bad as it could be. The only question you should ask yourself is "Will I be committed to be happy regardless what happens to me?". If you trade your expectation for appreciation, your mind will live in a beautiful state. According to many world top performers, gratitude is the number-one thing you should practice right now. For example, instead of complaining while being stuck in traffic, think about how nice the city is that many people choose to live here and are stuck in traffic just like you. Or think about how to invent better public transportation or a flying car. Happy Learning, The Kid |
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