Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
__ Albert Einstein
Usually when we hear about great leaders, we are astonished with their marvelous public speaking skills. College classes focus heavily on teaching students how to become an effective speaker. Parents get anxious when their children fall behind of speaking skills.
What we often neglect is that great leaders are not only great speakers, but they are also extraordinary listeners. In this article, we will explore and explain the foundation of the most underrated skill of great leaders: empathetic listening. 1) It is Hard to Find Good Teaching Human's nature is speaking. The majority of us prefer to share our thoughts and feelings before listening to others. Also, as mentioned above, empathetic listening is not as popular as public speaking; hence, it is difficult for learners to find good resources/mentors. 2) It Takes Time and Practice to Master Many of us assume listening is not too hard. In reality, empathetic listening requires practitioners to input tremendous effort, patience, and sincerity to truly master. 3) It Builds The Foundation for Speaking We see that babies learn to listen before they start speaking. The same truth holds for adults. To speak effectively equals to listen carefully at first. Empathetic listening allows us not only to collect valuable information from the counter party, but also to fully understand the other side's point view. 4) It Pays Off As Much As Speaking Skill We normally assume all the big money and fame lie in the public speaking. Welp, think again! What about certified therapists/psychologists who solve other people's everyday issues and discovered cognitive bias by listening to patients and research's participants. What about doctors who listen to patients in order to provide accurate and comfortable treatments. What about detectives who solve crimes by listening to evidence tape and suspects. Remember, empathetic listening is as powerful as speaking. Conclusion Empathetic listening is a critical skill that benefit anyone, even introverts (at the end of day, introverts still have to talk to others at some point of life). This article was not written to downplay the importance of speaking skill, but rather, to remind readers how empathetic listening can also be a game changer for, not only leaders, but for all of us. Happy Leading, The Kid
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Almost all companies have meetings in some forms. It can be a daily standup meeting. It can be a weekly meeting, where employees gather together and discuss the past week performance.
From many studies as well as my own experience. If you combine boring meetings with bad managers (also known as "M&M), you will end up with a recipe for disaster. Therefore, in this article, we will focus on helping managers to effectively lead meetings with confidence and result by listing easily-overlooked aspects. 1) Define Direction(s) at First. I've worked at many different companies (anywhere from 2 employees to thousands), and it is very common that meeting attendees, including the managers, start talking right away without defining the meeting's goals. Please note what I meant is goals, not agendas. If you simply/blindly follow the meeting's agenda, and you don't determine what you want to get out of the meeting, you will unlikely achieve desired outcome(s). If all meetings start with the question: "what does success look like for this meeting?", managers not only can make meetings more purposeful, but also can foster everyone's participation better. 2) Rotate Speakers. If you've have been in the workforce long enough, you will notice most meetings are ran by a single person. This makes you feel more like a school lecture, rather than a meeting. Managers should be mindful of this, and they need to ensure attendees can contribute as well. If possible, managers should allow each attendee to have some protected time to share their thoughts. 3) Touch Base Before and After Meetings. Most managers are ready good at either following up before OR after meetings, but not both since managers have their own set of belief what works best for them and their team. Nonetheless, if you want your team to be fully prepared before meeting and to be able to share their thoughts afterward, you need to touch base BOTH before and after meetings. Be careful not to overload your team with excessive communication. By no mean this article has everything you need to run meetings with 100% success rate. However, keeping these things in mind will definitely make you a more effective manager. Happy Leading, The Kid Most of us make conversation everyday. Most of us try to make a point to convince others, and ourselves everyday. Do you find it's difficult to convince someone about something? Or you are totally confident that your persuasion speaking is top notch. Regardless your level of confidence, this post will help you learn/reinforce certain critical points in persuading conversations:
1) Listen First. Yes, you read it right. Before trying to say anything, it is extremely important to listen to the other side first because a) you can collect more information, which can be used to modify your argument later b) it demonstrates your empathy to the other side, which will make the other side more likely to listen to you later. 2) List Less Than Three Reasons. It is a very common mistake that speakers tend to list out every single points he/she can. The more reasons you list out, the easier your listener can point out your flaws, and the less likely your listener will patiently keep listening. Try to list out no more than three solid points. 3) Introduce A Small Doubt. It is popular to believe that your argument should be flawless, that each reasoning point should present no doubt. However, it has been confirmed recently by a lot of studies that by introducing a little piece of doubt, which consider the other side's opposing view, you are more likely to be able to convince the other side better. The reason is that no argument is perfect, and if you are willing to admit yours is not an exception, then it is easier for the listening party to accept your points as well. What do you think after reading this post? Are you convinced yet with my "three-point" argument? . By no mean, this method is perfect (you see how I introduce small doubt); however, you can should give it a try because by following these simple rules for persuading conversations have served me and others very well. Happy Learning, The Kid Based on my estimation, an average human uses a total of 15000 words throughout his/her life. Nonetheless, only 2000 words are used daily. Within these 2000 words, there are a few words that if you decide to omit them, or better replace them, you will become a better communicator in no time:
1) But. We hear it all the time; "I love you but..."; "We want to promote you but..."; "They want to pay us but...", etc. Using "but" cancels out the meaning of the first phrase. "I love you but" equal "I do not love you". To stop this evil word, replace it with "and", which is close to meaning and has a calming effect. 2)Like. This is self-explanatory. Using "like" make you sound "like" a teenager. Instead, try "as if". 3) Just. Google company dislikes candidates using "just" in their job interview. This word makes you sound less credible and more nervous. Instead, omit this word and try to be specific. Example: "I just came here"; fix it to "I came here five minutes ago". 4) Honestly. If you use this, especially, in the middle of a conversation, you mean you have been lying since the beginning. Simply omit this word. 5) Really/Actually. Weak words used by youngsters. Try to be specific and use specific words such as "strongly". 6) Stuff. What is "stuff"? Be specific and say the exact thing you want to say. Example: "I forgot my stuff"; fix it to "I forgot my pencil". These are only a few negative words I notice. By no mean, this is not a comprehensive list. However, pay attention next time you communicate with someone and notice countless times they use negative words. You will become a communication teacher of yourself and, potentially, of others in no time. Happy Leading, The Kid Throughout the course of my humble life, I've seen various types of people. From the poor with negative bank balance to self-made millionaires; from a genius homeless to empty-suit scholars (usually consultants and bankers). It was a bless that I've developed a BS detector. It helps me see through these foe's fear and lies. Below are a few symptoms from those "scholars":
1) Wear Fancy Suits, Intentionally. If we date back the American history, we see that slavery was such a horrible thing. Nowadays, although the legal slavery has been vanished (at least in the USA), modern slavery has taken a new evolution: those creatures, who do not admit themselves as being slaves, wearing neckties. If you have some money and see a person approaching you with expensive-customized suits, please keep an eye on (or rather both eyes) on your cash. 95% of the time these empty-suits intentionally use their flashy appearance to manipulate you, and to cover their ignorance. 2) Abnormal Charisma. Please keep in mind I'm not saying all nice and sincere people are fake. This symptom is especially contagious when combined with a tailored suit. Examples are Bernie Madoff, Jordan Belfort, etc. When a sale person gives you a gift of a $2000 wine bottle for your birthday, you can expect he or she will sell, or worse already sole, you something with 10X profit. 3) Using Big Words, Numbers, and Graphs. You can expect empty-suits to have Power Point mastery, along with using bell-curved graphs and talking about quantum physics while judging a 3-star Michelin meal. The empty-suits will use terms such as "statistical significance, variance, normal distribution, etc." to intimidate your mind and reinforce his ego nervous system. I will keep this post updated as I discover more symptoms of the empty-suits. Happy Learning, The Kid I studied ESL at college and had only two Asian friends. I went through my first two bachelor years having less than 10 friends. What the heck was wrong with me? I was not a pervert; I was not a total nerd (around 50-50); I could speak English pretty well too. It was 2014 when I moved to the West Coast. Things became different. New school with smaller classroom and more high-achievers. People talked to me more about life and beauty instead of how bad an episode of Game of Throne was.
I also started to watch Ted Talks, red more books about leadership, and follow experts like Tony Robbins, Tim Ferriss, and James Altucher. I realized I have been pissed off with my life. I was mad about government, weather, college professors, etc. Here are a few things I did to rescue my situation: 1) No-complaint diet. No matter what happened, I did not complain for a certain days. Now it has became 90% of my nature (still working on the 10%). 2) Trade expectation for appreciation. Focus on what I could control (grade, relationship, stock portfolio instead of the whole taking market). 3) Say "good" to everything. Former Navy Seal Jocko used this tactics to stay positive 24/7. If I did not have money for eating out, good! I could practice cooking skills. If I had to take a bus to school, good! I could have more time to read. The result? People loved me and wanted to be around me, and more importantly, I loved myself more than ever. I made tons of friends. They are all jealous with me about how I can stay positive nearly 24/7 and I am always happy to share my secret with them. Now it's your turn to experience your own beautiful state. Remember you cannot be mad and grateful at the same time, so it is your choice. Happy Living, The Kid Have you ever been to a network event or simply a party where you feel stupid in the middle of a group? We probably all have (if you have not, lucky you). I probably know about 100 people and from time to time, they frequently ask me for advice in random life aspects. I went to interviews where interviewers gave me a respectful look. It was not because I graduated from a good school or I have 5 Ph.D degrees; but because I know these little tricks:
1) Wear a pair of glasses. My eyes are perfectly fine 10/10. But 50% of time, I put glasses on my face because science has proved people tend to perceive you smarter with glasses. 2) Listen more. Shut up! Just shut your mouth closed while listening to other people. Don't say ah, uhm, ya, etc. Remember, if you are thinking about an instant response, you are not listening. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, is a famous calmed person. He is so quiet that make job candidates speak up their weakness themselves without asking them. 3) Maintain eye-contact. I am not saying you should stare at people like serial killers. But keep naturally constant eye-contact with people will show your confidence. Same logic for couples who look at each other eyes for 2 or more minutes and love each other more almost instantly. 4) Smile. Take a cam recorder and record yourself daily, you will notice you have lost your childhood. Children smiles, on average, 300 times/day. Guess how many time an adult smiles? 5 times/day. Smiling indicates state of confidence and is the cheapest way you can improve your look. Smile more. 5) Use simple-concise language. You just graduated college or read a book about quantum physics. It is natural that you want to share with the world all this mountain of knowledge. Do not repeat exactly what you learned or heard. People hate it when they don't understand something, and they will hate the speaker too. 6) Take note. This applies more on a formal meeting. If you think not taking note is cool because it makes people think you remember everything, think again. Smart people care and they care enough to put down a few words to show how much they appreciate the conversation. More about take-note technique is on another post. 7) Ask follow-up questions. Remember the listening part? You cannot be quiet 100% of time, but instead asking good follow-up questions will show how you have been listening closely. 8) Walk as the same speed as others. This helps establish common ground between parties. Being different is generally good, but not in this case. 9) Show vulnerability. If you don't know something, just say it. Perfectionists are not perceived as being smart. 10) Include middle name. This helps people perceive you as intellectual (John F. Kennedy is an example). 11) Be funny. No matter how smart you truly are. If you give people a boring conversation, they will not pay attention to the content. 12) Say bye to alcohol and cigarette. Holding beers or cigarette lower your social status. This has been confirmed by many studies. Just don't, at least during the conversation. 13) Remove facial jewelry. Like it or not, studies show people with facial jewelry, especially piercing, are perceived to have lower IQ. Now you are ready to become a smart person, at least in the eyes of the crowd. Happy Smarting, The Kid |
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